House Rules

These are the rules for all Mummies living in Mister G’s house. If you cannot adhere to the rules, there will be much complaining, rolling around, crying, and other behaviours that get in the way of Getting Things Done.  So be warned.

  1. Mister G must always “win”. Even if no one is aware that a game is being played but him. “Going downstairs” is a game that Mister G must always “win”.
  2. If Mister G asks for 5 minutes more of something, 5 minutes is the state of being that is eternal. This 5 minute state is not diminished by time passing. If a minute has gone by and Mummy declares that it is now 4 minutes,  then she is wrong because we said 5 minutes.
  3. Fresh, clean monkey underpants must always be put away in the little plastic zipper bag in the top left hand drawer. Failure to do so, by merely placing them in the correct drawer for instance, will result in Much Complaining.
  4. Only Mister G can select the monkey underpants that he is to wear that day. Even if he will choose blue when a blue pair is available, Mummy is not allowed to preempt the decision. It will result in Wasting Time.
  5. Mister G must be allowed to wear his football shorts every day. If the football shorts are not available, the monster shorts are acceptable. Insisting on long trousers when Mister G’s skin is going all bumpy with cold will result in Wasting Time.
  6. Only Mister G knows what the meteorological outlook of the day will be. So don’t insist that you know better, what with your BBC weather and Met Office apps, and educated guesses. If Mummy or Daddy looks out the window and note that it is raining, it is not raining. Only Mister G Knows This.
  7. Only Mister G can put in the tablet in the dishwasher.
  8. Daddy must never touch Mister G’s toothpaste tube. The toothpaste must be dispensed by Mister G himself onto the selected brush for that day. Or there will be Much Complaining.
  9. If milk is available, Mister G would like apple juice. If only apple juice is available, Mister G would like fizzy purple stuff. If only fizzy purple stuff is available, Mister G will accept that.
  10. There must always be one more Peppa Pig.